There are so many things to blog but why I could not blog a thing lately? I remember when I just started my blog, it was a space as my diary without wasting papers, thinking that nobody would ever discover my blog.
That was five years ago.
Years after years, my blog has developed some traffics and Nuffnang was then formed. Seeing that many bloggers, mostly friends started to register with Nuffnang to earn some pocket money or just to be seen. I was able to blog about my life, my crush, soon my love life, ending every post with 'love you' and some kisses. Those was the time I was able to express myself fully, to the max! without worrying over the blog traffic. Until innit showed up, I hooked up on the traffic and started to blog whatever the readers preferred.
What is the true identity of my blog?
Those who blog about parties, events tend to have more views. I started to think that maybe readers prefer the happenings, events, stuff like that so I started to have tonnes of crappy food review posts cuz I am suck at it. 'Nuff said.
I am not my mom. Duh.
Then, Michelle Phan was on Youtube, sharing some makeup tutorial videos and sending inspirational messages to all ladies out there. Frankly speaking, I was and always a girl with seriously low self- esteem issue, even though I might look confident outside. Thankfully, my boyfriend has always been by my side to support me no matter what (he doesn't know about my self-esteem issue). With Michelle Phan's inspirational thoughts, I tried on dramatic makeup look, it takes GUTS to start out a fresh look. and also started my Fashion and Beauty posts. I do not have the money for travelling, exotic foods and larvish bars/pubs/clubs. With my cheap camera, I believed that I can share some tips with the girls out there and boosted up my confidence.
Not long ago, a girl showed up in my life. She has everything, from head to toe and she has excellent taste in fashion. I was shocked and really, I was jealous and there goes my confidence! Months and months I kept telling myself I look fine, I am pretty, I have an awesome life, awesome boyfriend but turned out to be helpless at all!
I am just a average university student who struggling with assignments and clubs meetings. I do not think that it is fair for me. All I was thinking: Nicole, you have to complete your Degree in two years. You must go out and start a new fresh life, like it or not. You see, I am not young anymore. I have flunked my UoL so badly I had to start my UEL Programme all over again from Year 1! I am not 19 years old, I am 22 now!!
Yes, I am slow.
Anyway, that girl really press my confidence from up here to down there. ZERO. I cried and cried, kept on telling myself to face the fact and take up the challenge, prove everyone that I can manage my life, more importantly my self-esteem issue!!!
All I need is time but time is gold.
But it is alright Nicole, as they said 'No pain no gain'. I can be a lil' bit of drama queen here but it is okay, ranting is the way to reveal the problems, from problems we can search for solutions!!
My lack of posting is because of my no-direction life. I do not know how my blog will end up... The process of growing up, to be mature is really..........tough.
It should be fine cuz I found my blog identity back! The space where I really express myself freely, sad, happy, whatever it is! No more crappy crappy posts, I shall reserve my blog as a space I share my thoughts and ideas. =')
PS: Hello there readers, thank you for taking your time to read my post.